when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
