Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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