so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
