trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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