So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
