Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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