I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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