see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
