Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
