If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
