Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
