a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
