i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you made out with another girl for some wings
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
