She's JV to your varsity
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize