I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
