halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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