apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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