I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
