yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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