I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize