So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
