i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
