thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
