The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
