Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Two words: blizzard sex
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
