We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
