you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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