is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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