I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
