We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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