thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize