well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
