i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
