I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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