oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize