she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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