just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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