I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
