I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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