I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
