I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
