my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
