it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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