Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
