Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
