Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
