i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
