Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
