Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
