He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
