just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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