mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you didnt know i had herpes?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
