I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
