I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just had sex bonerless
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
