best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
