you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
