saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
