Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My bed smells like the plague
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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