dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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