You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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