No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
