Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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