Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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