Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
