somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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