you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
