After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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