Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
