ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Randomize
